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ASSOCIATION
One of the ways to acquire wisdom is by connecting the right association. And
by association, we mean the right relationships, company, and friendships. They
determine your wisdom. There are five things that association will do in the life
of a person.
1. Your association affects your discretion and decision
People make decisions based on the kind of association they have in their lives.
2. Your association influences your thought, opinion and mind set
The way a person thinks is affected by who he calls his friends; who he calls his
pastor; who he calls his wife or husband.
3. Your association affects your action
Your association affects your action, your habit and your lifestyle. Someone who
was not smoking before can begin to smoke because he got a smoker friend.
Someone who was not immoral or adulterous before can become immoral or
adulterous because he got an immoral friend. Someone who was not telling lies
before can begin to tell lies and become dishonest because of the kind of friends
he keeps.
4. Your association affects your destination
The person you befriend will affect where you will reach in life. There are those
who have not gone very far in life because they are moving with people who are
not going far. There are people who have not achieved much in life because they
are moving with people who have not achieved much. So your association
affects your destination.
5. Your association can do or undo you
Your association can make or mar you. It can hurt or help you. It can raise or
ruin you, depending on who you call your friend. Your friend is either helping
you or hurting you. He is either doing you good or undoing your destiny.
The voice of the person you listen to determines where you will end in life.
WHO IS A FRIEND?
Now, who is your friend generally? How do you know the person to call a
friend? A good knowledge of who should be your friend will help you go farther
in life.
1. Those who speak into your life; those are your friends.
2. Those whose opinions you value are your friends – whether that opinion is a
bad one or a good one. Anyone whose opinion you value is a friend, and that
person affects your wisdom.
3. Those you consciously or unconsciously pattern your life after are your
friends. If, all of a sudden, the way you talk, walk or dress changes because of
someone, that is a friend. That person is either affecting your life positively or
negatively, depending on the kind of person he is.
4. Those whose counsel you hardly question are your friends. There is a person
whose counsel you hardly question. When he counsels or advises you, you
hardly question it – that is your friend. And that person is either affecting your
destiny positively or negatively, depending on who he is. If you hardly question
his advice, he is your friend.
Some of your so-called friends have broken many of your relationships. You are
engaged to be married to a man, and your so-called friend says, “I do not like the
man,” and that is the end of that relationship. Your friend says, “This job is not a
good job,” and that is the end of that job. That person whose counsel you hardly
question, is your friend. And he is affecting you positively or negatively,
depending on who he is.
5. The person you have taken into confidence is your friend. He is your close
confidant. You confide in him; he confides in you – that is your friend. You have
taken him into confidence. You share your secrets with him and he shares his
with you. That person is affecting your life negatively or positively, depending
on whether he is a good or bad person.
6. The person whose presence you cherish, that is, you want to spend time
around him or her – that is a friend. The person whose presence you cherish,
whom you long to hang around with; that person is affecting your life either
positively or negatively. That person is a friend.
Daniel was greatly assisted by his friends: Shedrach, Meshach and Abednego.
The disciples were greatly influenced by their Master, Jesus, because they spent
time with Him. Amnon the son of David was destroyed because of an evil friend
called Jonadab (2 Samuel 13). Rehoboam, the king of Israel, lost his throne
because he hearkened to the voice of some young men that taught him how to be
hard on the nation. He discarded the counsel of some elders in Israel. As a result
of that, the kingdom of Israel was divided into two because he did not hearken to
the voice of the people (2Kings 12:1-15). You will have to understand that the
voice of the person you listen to determines where you will end in life. The
person whose voice you listen to is affecting your life positively or negatively.
WHO IS A GOOD FRIEND?
1. He is the person who brings out the best in you. The person who motivates
you to please God, to live by the right principles of life. Such a person will affect
your wisdom positively. He is not the person giving you cigarette. He is not the
person who advises you to commit immorality with a woman. That is not a
friend.
The richer a person becomes the more difficult it is for him to know who really
loves him.
If someone close to you says, “You mean you do not know how to steal money
from your office without being caught? Let me teach you how to do it.” That is
not a friend. Your friend is the person who brings out the best in you; who
encourages you to live by the right principles. That is a friend.
2. Your friend is the person who pushes you out of your comfort zone, like Jesus
did to Peter. He stretches you to release your potentials. He says, “You have had
this OND (Ordinary National Diploma) for too long; why not you move ahead
for HND (Higher National Diploma)?” He says, “You have toiled around this
realm of business for too long, “Why not do something bigger?”
Your friend pushes you out of your comfort zone. He stretches your potentials.
He challenges you into excellence. That is a friend. He fights mediocrity in your
life. An authentic friend will influence you positively.
A real friend loves you the way you are; but he loves you too much to leave you
the way you are.
Jesus Christ is a friend that sticks closer than a brother(Proverbs 18:24). He
loves you the way you are but He loves you too much to leave you the way you
are. He loves you too much to leave your life in a mess. He loves you too much
to allow you live a life that is a mockery to your generation; a life of shame
where everyone mocks you. A real friend will not allow you to live such a life.
May God give you such quality people in Jesus’ Name.
3. A quality person(real friend) is the one who will love you enough to tell you
the truth; the person who will not keep quiet and watch you sink. He will not
keep quiet and watch you mess up. He will speak the truth into your life, even
when it hurts. It may hurt you but he speaks the truth. Other people want to
please you. They want to be in your good books, but the person God will use to
help you to reach your destiny will tell you the truth: “You cannot live with a
man to which you are not legally married. I do not hate you but you cannot do
that.” He will tell you the raw truth.
A real friend will tell you that you cannot buy a car of ten million naira when
you are still living in a rented apartment. It will pain you but he will tell you. He
is the man who will tell you the truth even when the truth does not look true.
God is going to give you such relationships in the Name of Jesus.
4. A good friend is the person that is comfortable with your success. He is
excited that you succeed. He is not agitated that you are progressing. There are
people that the moment you begin to increase, they get intimidated. Some socalled
friends, all they do is to engage you in competition. You will never learn
wisdom from such people. Such people will never improve you. Such people get
jealous when you succeed. They begin to make some derogatory comments
when things are working. Run away from such people. You will never learn any
wisdom from them.
5. A quality friend loves you for who you are and not for what you have. There
are people who love you because you are rich. A quality friend rather loves you
for who you are and not for what you have. When we were yet sinners, Christ
died for us. While we had nothing to offer, He laid down His life for us. The
Bible says, He is a friend that sticks closer than a brother. He loves you for who
you are.
You know, in prosperity, some friends know you, but it is in adversity that you
know your friends. When you are a Minister of the Federal Republic, you will
get many Christmas Greeting Cards but the moment you are no longer a
Minister, watch out for the number of cards that will come the next Christmas.
Cards will still come, no doubt, but they will come from real friends. So, a real
friend is the person who loves you for who you are, not for what you have.
Do not allow anyone marry you because of your money. Never come to the point
where someone relates with you in order to take advantage of you, or because of
what he can get out of you. Never come to that point.
The richer a person becomes the more difficult it is for him to know who really
loves him.
6. A real friend is the person whose character, vision, convictions and aspirations
are similar to yours. You do not drink alcohol; he does not drink it either. You do
not smoke cigarette; he does not also. You are not a womanizer; he is not one
also. You do not steal; he does not. You do not lie; he does not. You trust God; he
also trusts God. Your character, vision, aspirations, and convictions are similar.
If you call someone a friend and he is a smoker; if you sit down there to gist and
drink a bottle of malt while he drinks a bottle of beer, he is soon going to destroy
your destiny.
If you believe in giving 10% of your income to God, while the one you call your
friend does not want to give; but rather says, it is the pastor that is trying to get
the money, your convictions and beliefs are far apart. If you continue with him,
He is going to ruin your destiny. It takes iron to sharpen iron. When iron
sharpens wood, the two of them will lose. The wood will reduce in size and the
iron will be blunt. The wood will lose size and the iron will lose sharpness,
because they are not meant for each other. When you move with people of
different convictions; people who do not have your convictions, your visions,
your character, and your lifestyle, you must lose something.
I taught this kind of message, some time ago and my fifteen-year-old daughter
asked, “Who can find a friend then? She said, “If these are the qualities of
friends, how do you get them?” I will give here, two ways you can do that.
1. Be a friend.
Whatsoever a man sows that shall he reap. Concerning everything that has been
said about a real friend, get someone into whose life you can make such a
sowing.
To have good friends, you must be one.
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that
sticketh closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24
Anyone that must have friends must show himself friendly. In other words, you
must be a person who brings out the best in other people. You must be someone
who motivates people to be their best in life. You must be one who pushes others
into the release of their full potentials. You must be someone who loves people
enough to tell them the truth. You must be someone who is comfortable with the
success of other people. You are not intimidated when some other person is
progressing. You must be someone who loves people for who they are, not
because of what you can get out of them. You must possess positive character,
visions and aspirations.
When you are such a person, then God will send such people into your life. Like
attracts like. God sends your type into your life and removes different types
away from you. In order to have friends, you must be a friend.
2. Every relationship you find yourself in, work on them. Relationships require
workmanships. If Someone calls you and you do not call the person too;
someone sends you a message and you do not send a reply; someone sends you
an e-mail and you do not write back; the person keeps on trying his best, but you
are not working on your relationship, then you will never have any meaningful
relationship that can change your life. Whether it is marital or any other
relationship, you must be a person who works on positive relationships.
If you see a good friend, pursue the person. When Elisha saw Elijah, he pursued
him. When you see someone with positive character, with quality, the kind of
quality you desire, you do not just sit down there, proud, with raised shoulders,
you pursue him. You make sure what he carries rubs on your life.
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